Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need water and some morals
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
