i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
