glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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