Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize