im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
