Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
