Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
