Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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