I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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