The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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