he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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