yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
