quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
