do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
