it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
