I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
