I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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