I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
