man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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