Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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