I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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