I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
