He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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