My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
