did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
