remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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