we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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