Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
