He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
