what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
