next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
