my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
