Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
