My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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