I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
