What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
