I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
