ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize