I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
