Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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