so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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