I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
