I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
