I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize