Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Did I show you my penis last night?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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