Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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