Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
