Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
