I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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