so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
