My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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