this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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