Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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