hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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