I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
