So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
