Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
