On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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