but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
