the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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