I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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