if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
