no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
