I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize