Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
why is half of my head shaved?
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