cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
