Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
