i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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