He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
