ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
