dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
