yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
