Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
