All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
