Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
