Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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