I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
not ubering you a puppy
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
