Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
