I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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