Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize