Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
