are you still at the devil's house?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
