she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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