he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
