Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
