porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
