i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
