My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
