i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize