You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i think i have two assholes
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize
