Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
